i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
