where am i from again
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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