the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
