I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
