Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
