I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
