I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
