I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
So vagazzling was a success
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
