Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
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