Kiss
Puke
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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