As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
