i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Randomize
