Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
