Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
We need to get me chipped asap
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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