Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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