So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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