I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
