Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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