So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
