Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
