i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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