did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
