I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
