Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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