You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
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