Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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