U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
