Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
