I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
