My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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