not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
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