Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
