Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
