Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
