you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
