So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
