i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
