The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
