He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
