hell yes lets make some ravioli
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
