I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
