yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just want nice things and good sex
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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