A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
