I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
