im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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