i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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