summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
