you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
