How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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