i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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