he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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