rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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